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IVORY-BILLS  LiVE???!  ...

=> THE blog devoted to news and commentary on the most iconic bird in American ornithology, the Ivory-billed Woodpecker (IBWO)... and... sometimes other schtuff.

Web ivorybills.blogspot.com

"....The truth is out there."

-- Dr. Jerome Jackson, 2002 (... & Agent Fox Mulder)

“There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”

-- Hamlet

"All truth passes through 3 stages: First it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as self-evident."

-- Arthur Schopenhauer

Wednesday, November 18, 2009


-- Get A Photo, Sherlock --


Maybe time for something on the lighter side... so today just a revamped version of a post from over 3 years ago:

TOP 10 Ways To Finally Get a Photo of an Ivory-billed Woodpecker:

10. Sneak up on it from behind.

9. Instead of calling it "Ivory-billed Woodpecker" just re-name the bird "Britney Spears" and paparazzi will get all the pics you want.

8. Use ‘Google Earth' to zoom in on the Arkansas Big Woods and scan for a foraging Ivory-bill; as soon as you spot one snap a screen shot.

7. Use mental telepathy... or, if that fails, pray a lot... or, if that fails, use Photoshop.

6. Go into the swamp and do your very best David Attenborough impersonation.

5. Use a swinging pocketwatch to hypnotize the bird and lull it to sleep; then snap all the pictures you want.

4. Give a nine-year-old kid a camera and tell him it's humanly impossible to get a picture of an Ivory-billed Woodpecker.

3. As long as you’re in the swamp just stop and ask Bigfoot where to find an Ivory-bill.

2. Use an MRI machine to take a photo of one of Cyberthrush’s midnight dreams.

1. Elementary, Sherlock: find some Ivory-bill poop... look up... snap a picture!!
Well, No. 4 sounds realistic.
So I was talking with a ufologist here on Planet Utah, and he suggested sneaking into Area 51--it's only a few hundred miles from here--where the gubm'nt is building a secret time machine from plans they got from the aliens. Said it might be possible to slip back into the past to make getting a photo a little easier . . .

He warned me, though, that it might be difficult to get inside because they did get the device operative and peered into the future and determined the Mayan prophecies were correct. Everything is going blooie in 2012.

They plan on using it to escape into the past . . .
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