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I’ve been rummaging through old files searching for things (that are shareable) that might be interesting or entertaining to post… I don’t usually share verbatim correspondence at all… but… will make this one, lone exception! In early days I received a number of short scammy, hokey letters that were more annoying than interesting, but late in the process, in 2012, finally got the longest letter... that was a hoot to read!! So much so that I sent it along to a few individuals at the time for their entertainment, and am pretty sure they forwarded it on to some others. So a few of you have seen this long ago, but for the rest of you, enjoy… (I copy it fully verbatim below, but have struck out all name/place identifiers):
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“your website is the first one that came up, it seems pretty extensive and comprehensive. my name is XXXXXX, I am a "homeless" person, sometimes I consider myself that, sometimes I don't. I don't panhandle. but my mom sends me money, and I work a part-time job, but I live in the woods in XXXXXX. I used to live out in the woods in XXXXXX but my wife left me and after I got out of prison I came down here. I have been living in the woods for quite some time.
to make a long story short, I am not really a birder, but if you live out in a tent in a swampy area in XXXXXX, you see a lot of birds. most of the birds I see, I have no idea what they are, that is why I like snakes so much, it is pretty easy to catch snakes. but for awhile, I lived with my wife and kids and we had netflix and I watched the documentary about Ivory bills, and I thought to myself, I have seen those birds out at my camp on a regular basis, I see them in pairs, and sometimes I see them in 2 pairs, a mating couple in one tree and another couple in another tree. I have seen them way more times than I have seen Pileated WP's.
I didn't realize there was such a hoopla about them. To cut right to the chase, I could talk forever since I type really fast and I have nothing better to do, I am going to tell you this. I can't guarantee you that if you came to where I am at, that I could show you a IBW, but what I can guarantee is that I can show you evidence that they have been where I am at very recently, that is 100 percent. and i think you would have a 90 percent certainty of hearing them if you stayed there long enough. I have only seen pileated WP's once, and it was a pair of them. I have seen the IBW's multiple times.
you don't know me from shit. so I will tell you who I am. I used to live in the woods way out in XXXXXX, I was friends with a guy named XXXXXX, who was written about in the book "Coming Into the Country" by John McPhee, I lived for a while in a little town called XXXXXX, not by choice, my wife couldn't handle living out in the bush. If you randomly called people in XXXXXX, you would get a mixed bag of opinions about me, there would be some people that would probably say I was a devil worshipper or something crazy.
regardless, what I am telling you is true. if you want to come to XXXXXX, I will meet you. below are my absolute indisputable conditions and I will not waver on them.
1. you will meet me at a hotel that I choose after you rent a car. I will drive the car and you will have to either be blindfolded or just stare at the floor. I am absolutely not going to tell you where we are going. it won't matter in the end, you are going to figure it out anyway, you aren't a dumbass.
2. I want at least a little bit of money. I don't feel bad about asking that. you try being a homeless person camping out in a tent in a swamp, it is not fun. and you are going to supply me with beer, and I can drink a lot of beer.
3. you can't have a cell phone or a GPS, I am going to search your bags. I have zero doubt in my mind that you are going to figure out where we are at eventually anyway, but I want to trust you. I live in these woods, and when this is all over, I will probably still be living in these woods. I don't want a bunch of jackasses spoiling things for me.
4.If I even vaguely suspect that you tell anyone else about this, you won't ever hear from me again. whether it is you that meets me or someone else, I am one paranoid, suspicious, careful bastard, and I don't give a shit about you or anybody else.
Those are my conditions. my phone # is XXXXXX.”
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No, I never contacted the fellow, so don't know if I missed out on seeing some Ivory-bills, but am pretty sure I missed out on some wonderful beer stories (which I may or may not have lived to tell)..... ;)
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