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IVORY-BILLS  LiVE???!  ...

=> THE blog devoted to news and commentary on the most iconic bird in American ornithology, the Ivory-billed Woodpecker (IBWO)... and... sometimes other schtuff.
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"....The truth is out there."

-- Dr. Jerome Jackson, 2002 (... & Agent Fox Mulder)

“There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”

-- Hamlet

"All truth passes through 3 stages: First it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as self-evident."

-- Arthur Schopenhauer






Saturday, September 30, 2006

 

-- How To Get An Ivory-bill Picture --

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thankfully, in time for the upcoming search season, this just in from the desk of David Letterman....


TOP 10 Ways To Get a Photo of an Ivory-billed Woodpecker:
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10. Sneak up on it from behind.

9. Use ‘Google Earth' to zoom in on the Florida panhandle and look for a foraging Ivory-bill; as soon as you spot it snap a screen shot.

8. Travel to the swamp; nail ads to bark-scaled trees saying you’re a photographer with Playbird Magazine seeking centerfold applicants for the April issue; see who shows up.

7. Use mental telepathy... or, if that fails, pray a lot... or, if that fails, use Photoshop.

6. Take a canoe ride with David Luneau.

5. Using a swinging pocketwatch hypnotize the bird, putting it to sleep; then snap all the pictures you want.

4. Strategically place signs in the bayou announcing, “big, juicy, scrumptious, wood-boring beetle larvae sold here!” When an Ivory-bill stops by to check out your prices take its picture.

3. While you’re in the swamp just ask Bigfoot where to find one.

2. Use an MRI machine to take a photo of one of cyberthrush’s nightly dreams.


1. Simple, Sherlock: find Ivory-bill poop; look up; snap a picture!!!

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