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Last year, about this time, I shared one letter (below) that I received over a dozen years ago, for sheer entertainment (had shared it previously with a few folks in private but never on the blog). In earlier days, short scammy, hokey letters that were more annoying than interesting weren’t that uncommon (along the lines of ‘Hey, I’m just a poor, southern Mississippi boy scrapin’ by in the bayou, but if you send me $300 to buy a good camera, I guarantee I’ll get a picture of them peckerwoods and make you famous’…). Not until 2012 did the below longer email arrive that was a hoot to read!! So for the newbies to this topic that never saw it, I’ll re-run it again verbatim (names & places removed). I’d almost make it a yearly tradition, except I can't foresee the blog going into next year:
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“your website is the first one that came up, it seems pretty extensive and comprehensive. my name is XXXXXX, I am a "homeless" person, sometimes I consider myself that, sometimes I don't. I don't panhandle. but my mom sends me money, and I work a part-time job, but I live in the woods in XXXXXX. I used to live out in the woods in XXXXXX but my wife left me and after I got out of prison I came down here. I have been living in the woods for quite some time.
to make a long story short, I am not really a birder, but if you live out in a tent in a swampy area in XXXXXX, you see a lot of birds. most of the birds I see, I have no idea what they are, that is why I like snakes so much, it is pretty easy to catch snakes. but for awhile, I lived with my wife and kids and we had netflix and I watched the documentary about Ivory bills, and I thought to myself, I have seen those birds out at my camp on a regular basis, I see them in pairs, and sometimes I see them in 2 pairs, a mating couple in one tree and another couple in another tree. I have seen them way more times than I have seen Pileated WP's.
I didn't realize there was such a hoopla about them. To cut right to the chase, I could talk forever since I type really fast and I have nothing better to do, I am going to tell you this. I can't guarantee you that if you came to where I am at, that I could show you a IBW, but what I can guarantee is that I can show you evidence that they have been where I am at very recently, that is 100 percent. and i think you would have a 90 percent certainty of hearing them if you stayed there long enough. I have only seen pileated WP's once, and it was a pair of them. I have seen the IBW's multiple times.
you don't know me from shit. so I will tell you who I am. I used to live in the woods way out in XXXXXX, I was friends with a guy named XXXXXX, who was written about in the book "Coming Into the Country" by John McPhee, I lived for a while in a little town called XXXXXX, not by choice, my wife couldn't handle living out in the bush. If you randomly called people in XXXXXX, you would get a mixed bag of opinions about me, there would be some people that would probably say I was a devil worshipper or something crazy.
regardless, what I am telling you is true. if you want to come to XXXXXX, I will meet you. below are my absolute indisputable conditions and I will not waver on them.
1. you will meet me at a hotel that I choose after you rent a car. I will drive the car and you will have to either be blindfolded or just stare at the floor. I am absolutely not going to tell you where we are going. it won't matter in the end, you are going to figure it out anyway, you aren't a dumbass.
2. I want at least a little bit of money. I don't feel bad about asking that. you try being a homeless person camping out in a tent in a swamp, it is not fun. and you are going to supply me with beer, and I can drink a lot of beer.
3. you can't have a cell phone or a GPS, I am going to search your bags. I have zero doubt in my mind that you are going to figure out where we are at eventually anyway, but I want to trust you. I live in these woods, and when this is all over, I will probably still be living in these woods. I don't want a bunch of jackasses spoiling things for me.
4. If I even vaguely suspect that you tell anyone else about this, you won't ever hear from me again. whether it is you that meets me or someone else, I am one paranoid, suspicious, careful bastard, and I don't give a shit about you or anybody else.
Those are my conditions. my phone # is XXX-XXX-XXXX.”
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No, I never contacted the fellow, so don't know if I missed out on seeing some Ivory-bills, but am pretty sure I missed out on some wonderful beer stories (which, I may or may not have lived to tell)..... ;))
The only thing I’m going to add on this telling is that the guy was based around Houston, TX. so, dag-nabbit I should’ve put him in touch with Don Scheifler…. although then we might not have Don around today doing great work with drones….
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